High Places (7/9/25)

The "little cliff," upon whose edge he had so carelessly thrown himself down to rest that the weightier portion of his body hung over it, while he was only kept from falling by the tenure of his elbow on its extreme and slippery edge --this "little cliff" arose, a sheer unobstructed precipice of black shining rock, some fifteen or sixteen hundred feet from the world of crags beneath us. Nothing would have tempted me to within half a dozen yards of its brink. In truth so deeply was I excited by the perilous position of my companion, that I fell at full length upon the ground, clung to the shrubs around me, and dared not even glance upward at the sky --while I struggled in vain to divest myself of the idea that the very foundations of the mountain were in danger from the fury of the winds. It was long before I could reason myself into sufficient courage to sit up and look out into the distance.

From Poe’s Descent into the Maelstrom 

 

I have anxiety about high places!  I don’t want to see people fall!  The anxiety is beyond reason at times.  When my wife is 15 feet from the edge of a drop-off, I get an uneasy feeling that increases as she approaches, and comes to almost a panic when she gets within 5 feet.  She reminds me that she is fine, which I know intellectually, but alarm bells go off in my head, and I need to physically turn away (out of site, but not really out of mind).  

Sometimes the anxiety is maybe bit more founded, like when one family sat their kids on the rail overlooking Niagara Falls to get their picture (I turned away then too!) or when a toddler was climbing through the bars of a barrier on a cliff, unnoticed by his mom who was busy with another child.  I wanted to shout out but was afraid I’d startle the little guy.  But this even bothered my wife who quickly scooped up the toddler and took him to mom.

I do have some basis for this anxiety.  I have seen people fall, two of them died! (If you want the details, you can read The Tragic Day.) I don’t ever want to see that again!  Yet it flashes through my mind all too often.  I guess I have a form of PTSD.  I mentally wrestle with myself, “Don’t be so worried!  Things will probably be fine!”  Then I answer myself, “But sometimes they are not fine, and people die!”  Maybe I need some counseling.

As I have retired, and recently been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, the anxiety might be a bit worse.  I have become a bit clumsy and am aware that I have an increased risk of falling.  Yet I am not so worried about myself, as I am about others falling.  

This all was front and center on our recent month-long retirement trip out West to see several national parks, which have lots of very high places and deep canyons.  We had a great time, but I was anxious on many occasions.  

The above quote from Edgar Allen Poe’s Descent into the Maelstrom frequently came to mind during the trip.  I probably hadn’t read it since I was in high school, but I remembered the description of terror of heights that was described.  When I returned from the trip, I went in search of the quote.  Although I didn’t remember it in detail, I remembered the emotion and situation described.  It kind of resonates with me!

High places bother me, yet I hope to visit a few more!  The view is worth it!

Dave Drozek with

Ruminations from Retirement

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